It is often true that the loss of a loved one is easier to recover from than the betrayal of someone who still lives yet is unconcerned about the pain they caused you now or early in life. To hurt over something from the past is not a lapse of faith or a lack of trust, faith doesn’t remove the scar on the leg of the accident victim nor does it remove it from the mind and emotions of those wounded in life. Yes, God transforms and renews the mind, yes God sets us free indeed. But we would do well to remember the saying; The only man made thing in heaven, will be the scars on Jesus. Scars are reminders of the past and they are part of God’s design of the human body and psyche. I have a large scar on my knee from an injury that occurred in 3rd grade that required multiple stitches inside and out and I was immobilized and sat in a wheelchair or chair for some time before I was able to put weight on it. It was even longer before I could start bend my knee without fear of tearing the stitches. Third grade was a long time ago for me and yet the scar, though somewhat faded, is highly visible when wearing shorts. The reason I share that is for the most part, no one knows that I have this scar. I don’t think about it at all and it has not hindered my ability to walk, run or do anything else that requires mobility, but, even writing this I can see the whole scene in my mind. I remember sitting up and looking at the tear in my pants and then looking inside the tear and the huge and gaping wound in my leg, I remember falling backwards and just laying there until someone came to help. The scar is evidence of a much bigger story. This needs to be recognized by those who have someone in their life who has a scar that they acquired earlier in life that you weren’t present for. They may not be comfortable talking about it and it may be something that was decades ago like my knee injury but it still stirs up negative feelings and heartache. Time may allow a wound to form a scar but scars are not necessarily painless.
This is why when seeking to Dance with the Scars of life we need to understand that in the realm of inflicted trauma at the hands of another forgiving does not always include forgetting. Can the rape victim ever forget the event? Can the adult ever forget the childhood loss of their parent? They can be healed of the wound but they will bear the scar. This concept is not at all in conflict with the word of God yet some act as though if you remember what happened to you haven’t forgiven someone or are not letting God heal you.
“And one will say to Him, ‘What are these wounds between your hands and feet? and He will answer, ‘Those that which I was wounded in the house of My friends’ – Zechariah 13:6-7
These Messianic verses remind us of the statement we made a moment ago and that the wounds inflicted on Jesus left scars behind as evidence of the event, yet we know He prayed for the forgiveness of those who inflicted those wounds. Thus, according to Jesus actions, it is possible to be wounded or harmed by another and completely forgive them, yet still have the scars from their actions against you. It is also possible to be healed in your heart, mind and spirit yet still remember the loss or pain encountered early in life. I cannot underscore it enough that “remembering” is not “unforgiveness” or a lapse of faith. As friends and loved ones of those hurt by others we must be careful of demanding that they “put the past behind” just because we think they should. They may not have a gaping wound any longer but the scar remains. They may have completely forgiven their abuser but the scar remains. Remembering what happened to you doesn’t mean you have’t allowed God to work in your life, it means you were deeply hurt and have scars. It is needful to say at this point; The devil wants you to spend the rest of your life in wound care, immobilized and unable to function, and sadly this is what many do. If you keep picking at a wound it will stay a wound and never scar over. This is why our first chapter was the first chapter. Life happens, and when it is mean and ugly, some resist moving from wounded to scarred because they are stuck on one word… why? There are no good pat answers, everybody dies, it was an accident, they’re in better place, these are comments and they are all true, but they are not explanations. I do not know why God allows what He allows nor do I understand His method of choosing when to intervene and when not to. But this I do know, godly and faithful people experience tragedies and traumas in life and many have events in their past that have scarred them deeply yet they are used wonderfully by God and for His glory and for many of them, their scars are now their ministry. Yet even for them, someone bumps up against an old scar and though it is far less painful than it was in the past, it still hurts and that is ok! You can forgive things that you’ll never forget and if you have a person with a major scar in their life in the unseen realm of the mind or emotions, don’t treat them like the scar shouldn’t hurt and don’t treat the scar like a wound either. Let me add one more thing, picking at an old scar can open up the wound again and while we know that scar tissue is tougher than the skin around it, this may not always be true for the scars of mind and emotion, it can be, but isn’t always. Be sensitive to those who are scarred and if you are the wounded soul, recognize the things that hurt when your scar is bumped up against.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
