Friends, remember that we are engaged in spiritual warfare and the devil does not let up because you’re wounded. He will try to create confusion and doubt which lead to fear and despair and we must never exchange what we don’t know for what we do know. We don’t know why God allows what He does but we do know He is good, all the time. We don’t know why God heals some and not others during this life but we do know that every Christian has an eternal, pain free existence awaiting them. The enemy wants you to live the rest of your life in wound care and he will do all he can to inhibit you ever Dancing with the Scars. He’ll kick you when your down, push you in the wound and he’ll use people to do it. He loves it when friendly fire separates families and friends, nothing pleases him more than to stifle a once loving a close relationship with misconceptions or inconsiderate words. It is during such times we must remember we are not defined by the words of others, we are defined by the word of God.
We also must engage in the very difficult task of recognizing that not all that hurts us is bad for us and the method or the messenger who has offended us may have actually said things that were true. We need to recall that Proverbs 29:11 says it is foolish to speak all that is in your heart and sometimes saying nothing in return is the right thing even when nothing that was said against us was right or even true! That does not mean there is never a time to defend ourselves against verbal assaults but there are times when we need to let God be our defense. The truth is there are times when only He can be our defense. Times like when what He has joined together has been ripped apart like two napkins once glued together, leaving a bit of each on the other when the one become two. When a Christian encounters the violence of divorce and a life is turned upside down and everything changes dramatically for one or the other, frequently more so for the wife thrust into being the sole provider, isolation becomes more dangerous and fellowship more important than ever.
Divorce is not something to treated flippantly or even like a societal norm, it hurts people, it often wounds the innocent and unaware, it impacts children, it breaks hearts, it damages people and culture. Those who have endured this great trauma need to remember that they have an identity that is separate from that of being married. An identity in Christ, who never leaves nor forsakes, who is never abusive or adulterous, who is the very definition of faithfulness in all things. It is that identity that reminds us to be a Spirit led Christian even when walking through the valley of the shadow of the death of a marriage. God has a plan for you as an individual member of the collective body of Christ and your life is not over because the marriage ends, there are still good works prepared beforehand for you to walk in! (Ephesians 2:10)
Maybe your wounds were not from the loss of a loved one, friendly fire or the aftermath of divorce. Maybe you caused your own wounds, maybe your dealing with the consequences of forgiven sin. The possibility of Dancing with the Scars is just as much a reality for you as anyone else. It will take some discipline in our thinking to arrive there however including recognizing the past will always be present in our hearts but it need not rule the present in our minds. Some self inflicted wounds will create lifelong scars in the from of broken relationships, lost trust and other various consequences all being experienced while the sin is completely forgiven. Reconciliation for self inflicted wounds is a good thing to pursue we must remember, the person who caused the broken relationship doesn’t set the terms for restoring the relationship. Trust has to be earned and even forgiven actions can have consequences on the interpersonal relationship level. Be careful about having a sense of entitlement because of not understanding what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness can come without the restoration of the relationship happening, it doesn’t have to be that way but sometimes, it just is.
Some may be thinking All Things can’t possibly include what happened to me as a child, the sexual, emotional or physical abuse that was endured. Yes, All Things includes those things if we remember that there is a freedom that comes from forgiving others. Forgiveness is not acting as if nothing happened and forgiveness is often mostly beneficial to the forgiver rather than the forgiven. For those trying to learn to dance with such scars you will have to accept that what happened can never be made right. This is essential because these areas trap more people in wound care for long periods than any of the others. It is natural for us to want justice and acknowledgement when someone has greatly or brutally wronged. It is a sad reality that most of the time victims of life altering incidents rarely have their sense of justice satisfied for various reasons. Yet, Dancing with the Scars is still possible and is also going to require recognizing that justice will not remove the memories or pain. The need for justice is strong and to know it will never come can be debilitating but as we we have all seen the public forgiveness of people who killed someones loved one the reality is that forgiveness can do more for the broken heart and mind than justice will ever do. There is a justice that will be served in the end for all who do not believe in Jesus and repent of their sins and we are not to wish for that justice on our worst enemies.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
BARRY STAGNER
Find hope in the middle of suffering. Keep reading in Dancing With The Scars by Barry Stagner.
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