Another issue for those who have had divorce forced upon them is again similar to that of a physical injury as we mentioned in chapter 2 about leaving the wound alone so it can turn into a scar. I know some of you may be thinking it’s not that simple, you keep pointing to God, you keep referring to the Bible and I read my Bible, I love God, but I am hurting and broken and I need comfort right now, not instruction. I hear you! I get it, but let me say this my hurting and traumatized friend. I had a hip replacement surgery some years ago due to a congenital condition and one of the things that surprised me was how quickly they had me walking again. They sawed off the top of my femur, pounded an 8 inch titanium rod down into the bone, lined my hip socket with a ceramic cup and then 2 hours after I was out of recovery, had me stand up and walk! Did I want to? No! Did it hurt? Yes! Was what seemed crazy to me at the time what was best for me? Yes it was. The sooner you reengage in your callings as a Christian who suffered the violence of divorce the sooner you begin to recover and the wound begins to scar. Maybe you need to stop attending the support group and start leading it. My heart in these things is that you make it through and not spend years in wound care but move forward in life as one scarred, but a survivor.
For the person who has experienced the violence of divorce this becomes significantly harder when children are involved and your ex shows up to the pick up the kids or at the school play with their new person at their side. It tears at the heart and the moment of impact is emotionally revisited each time you see them, how can you keep from being the permanently wounded and move to the scarring phase of divorce?
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him – Proverbs 2:7-8
Truth be known it is hard to see someone who hurt you happy, or seemingly so. Let’s be honest here, it just is. When we are wounded so deeply to see the cause of our wound happy and moving forward indifferent to the pain and problems they cause it is very disheartening! It tears open the wound time and again and to hear that the kids had fun with someone who hurt you and forced upon you life changes that you never wanted and can get the best of many loving and caring people. While little can be done to lessen the pain of such things in the initial stages of grief there is an overriding truth that must be said to those battling the constant tearing at the wound of divorce being seeing your ex with someone else and that is this; Be a Spirit led Christian all the time.
I know that may sound like the “typical” pastoral pat answer but there is nothing pat about it, it is rock solid, life sustaining truth. Maintaining Christian integrity will keep you in the guidance and protection of the Lord’s will and remind us that our actions are not based on those of others but they are based on the Word of God. Some of you reading this are rejecting it as you read but let me remind you again, this is not my opinion, this is the word of God. Repay no one evil for evil, Romans 12:17, 1 Peter 3:8. When you see the person who keeps the wound open every time you see them, be a Spirit led Christian even then. You don’t have to like them but for your sake you need to obey God and let vengeance belong to the Lord. I know this is hard, I see people struggle with the agony of their ex spouse enjoying life while theirs is in shambles and turned upside down. God has promised to take care of the faithful so stay faithful and whatever you do, including making the exchange of the kids or seeing the ex at the school play or sports event, stay biblical and therefore blessable and in time, your wound will become a scar.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.