In many such cases God is blamed and even hated because life happened in a way a person didn’t agree with, death came at a time that was unfair for someone we love, faithfulness at work was rewarded with a layoff, a faithful spouse was battered by the unfaithfulness of the other. God you could have done something, is what we have all thought during such times! He did do something dear friend, He told you He will go through these times with you, so don’t blame Him, lean on Him. He is there, He promised He would be. I remember conducting the funeral for a father and his young son who lost their lives in tragic accident one holiday weekend. I remember looking out into a room filled with hundreds of friends, co-workers and bereaved family members as they watched the deceased mans wife and the boy’s stepmother be wheeled into the room on a gurney as she was delivered by ambulance to the church where the funeral was held. I remember the scene seemed so surreal, matching father and son caskets tore at my heart, a grieving widow with a broken back mourning the loss of her husband. A mother reeling in shock and sorrow at the loss of her son and ex-husband. I remember thinking; Lord, what can I say? Please give me the right words to say in this overwhelming scene. I remember this scene from almost 20 years ago like it was yesterday and what the Lord prompted me to say to the room was this; “I cannot tell you why God allowed this, I can only tell you that He will help you get through this.” I have to say I have never felt the atmosphere in a room change so dramatically in the space of a few moments and I believe the reason was, the big question was taken off the table and deemed unanswerable. This allowed anger to turn to mourning and deep, soul shaking sorrow to take over the day as it should. When life happens and the recognition that Dancing with the Scars is necessary it starts when accepting there will never be answers to the questions you want answered the most. The actual movement toward the finish line begins when you start leaning on God and not blaming Him or demanding from Him things that we will never know this side of heaven.
The next step that must be taken to start Dancing with the Scars is more practical than mental and is best introduced through this adage; Never doubt in the darkness what you trusted in the light. In other words: What you believed when things were good is still true when trials and troubles come. God is unchanging and His character is constant as we go through the ebb of flow of life’s pains and problems.
I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises
Psalm 34:1
This is where the practical side of Dancing with the Scars begins. Praise is as much a decision as it is a natural outflow of the Spirit from within. We can understand that God is worthy of praise at all times and believe it with every ounce of our being but we can choose to stop the outflow of praise because of pain, sorrow or disappointment. One of the many bad pieces of advice that is often given to someone who is in personal agony is; “You need to just thank God for it and press on.” The truth is, the loss of a loved one, the pain of betrayal or the loss of health and a myriad of others things are not things we are to be thankful “for” but they are things we are to be thankful “through”. God hates death! Then why doesn’t He eliminate you may say, He did! The second death, which is eternal death, has no power over those who trust Christ as Lord and Savior therefore; When life is good and when it is not and we can thank Him for our salvation as we mourn or heal, we can thank Him for His faithfulness when we had lapses of faith. We need to do the practical things that we always did and knew to be right when things were good and the sky was clear and sunny. We can know and believe that we need to be in church and with God’s people hearing from His word but we still must decide to do so. The ministries you were involved in before are still your ministries, the practices that are expressions of love and service to God are essential to beginning to Dance with the Scars. We will talk about the timing of this in our next chapter but the future first thinking thing I mentioned a few moments ago is critical in the opening stages of painful life events and it begins by remembering this one simple truth, as soon as you are able to think again!
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Revelation 21:4 NLT
He will, means that at some point in the future this will come to pass, but for now, tears, death, sorrow and crying come when life happens. It is as natural to ask “why” as it is to sorrow and cry when life happens in tragic or traumatic ways. It is understandable to wonder about the unanswerable, but we cannot live there for the rest of our lives. we must move from the “why did this happen” to the “how am I going to get through.” You must come to the place where you say; I am ready to move forward with unanswered questions, I am ready to lean on God and not blame Him, I am going to praise Him not because my life if good but because He is God and worthy of praise at all times, even the worst of times.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
