It has always been a mystery to me that the expectations some people impose on those whose life has been impacted by tragedy or trauma are more clinical than caring. There seems to be a timeline in their minds that if you are not on “their” schedule you are not handling the situation as you should. Some seem to imply a “just get over it and move on expectation” once you reach the starting line and others demand you “forgive and forget” after a reasonable amount of time. Learning to Dance with the Scars is no easy task and it is not a one-size-fits-all all kind of thing. Each person deals with grief or trauma differently even though many of the experiences are the same. I have seen a woman who was told by her husband that he had been unfaithful handle it with such grace and dignity it made me wonder if she was in shock and didn’t comprehend what was said. I have witnessed a man find out the same information who wound up with a restraining order against him because of his reaction. Same wound, different reactions. There is however one common feature that all who encounter life’s trials and traumas share and that will be our topic in this chapter.
Jeremiah 10:19My wound is severe, and my grief is great. My sickness is incurable, but I must bear it.
Jeremiah, a man known as the weeping prophet, did not minimize his experience with spiritual platitudes. He identified his expertise for what it was. It was severe, it caused him grief, it was incurable, but, he must bear it. Jeremiah was a good and godly man attacked for doing what God called him to do. He was wrongfully imprisoned at the hands of evil people, life had been unfair when he had been faithful to God. Life hurt, the pain was severe, the sickness incurable, yet he must go on, and so must you as we made the point in chapter 1. We picked up some tools that help us mentally, emotionally, and practically in helping us arrive at the place where we can even think about moving forward in life again and experiencing hope, joy, and peace, and even dance again, but the big question remains, when? How long does one mourn? How much time is enough time? Again, let’s take the big question off the table, there isn’t enough time and some things will be mourned for the rest of your life, some things will hurt for the rest of your life and that’s ok, some things are just that big. So, are you destined then to be hopeless, unhappy, and without peace for the rest of your life? Not at all, but there is a point we need to recognize to begin the painful Dance with the Scars.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
