For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. – James 3:2
Remember, the Greek word translated as “perfect’ means; mature or complete and James goes on to say that the tongue, though small in size, can burn down a mighty forest and thus the exhortation that the ability to control the tongue is essential to self control over your whole being and body. We have all met and have been people who have exercised a “Ready, fire, aim” style of communication. We have all been that person and have said things that were hurtful and harmful, though at times, were unintentional. Our response to them when they come our way must never be a retaliatory strike of equal or greater insult or injury. When we begin to master this, hurtful words cannot own us and rule us and we have avoided the spread of infection through the rest of our body. Again, not easy, but it is effective. I know this, because I have done this and the reality was when I held my tongue when hit by friendly fire, what I came away with was a sense of accomplishment instead of a sense of failure. My focus was, “I did it!” Not, why didn’t I just keep quiet, why did I have to say that? My thoughts were deflected from the hurtful words and my mind was focused on the joy of being obedient. You might be thinking this sounds silly or even pointless and my answer to that is; I didn’t come up with the plan, I just followed it and, like all God’s plans, it works. What makes this a difficult practice is that it is our flesh’s nature to want to hurt those who hurt us, it’s a defense mechanism much like we would defend ourselves if the attack were physical and not verbal. Fight or flight are not the only two options when facing friendly fire. There is also do the right thing no matter how wrong the other person even as our flesh cries for justice, retaliation and self defense!
He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth. – Isaiah 53:7
Now again, please do not misunderstand, this is not about just rolling with the punches and taking whatever the other person dishes out. This chapter is about when all efforts have been exhausted and the friendly fire keeps coming. We know that by His stripes we are healed, we know that Jesus was wounded for our transgressions and His death paid the wages of sin on our behalf, but what else did this accomplish, this silence in the face of great and deep wounds? It also teaches us that wounds of all kinds are part of life in a fallen world and that not every aggression against us needs to be retaliated. Sometimes saying nothing is the right thing even when nothing that was said against us was right or even true! Dear victim of friendly fire, do not let the words of others define you, control you or dictate your actions! Do not allow them to define your outlook on life for if you do, you are surrendering control of your thoughts and emotions instead of gaining control over them. Remember, you are who the Bible says you are in Christ and all other opinions are just that, opinions. Do not compound the pain by returning fire, but meditate on truth, do what is right before God not what defends your dead flesh, and while friendly fire will never be painless, encountering it need not be joyless. God thought you were of such great value that His own Son, who remained silent before His accusers, died on your behalf.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
