I once heard the story of a mild-mannered man who became tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist who gave him a book on being assertive. On the train ride home that day, he read the first chapter and decided to try out the actions suggested.
Walking in the door of his home, the man announced to his wife, “From now on, I am the man of this house, and my word is law. When I get home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now I want you to go upstairs and lay out some clothes for me because I am going out with the boys tonight. After that, draw me a bath. And when I get out of the bath, guess who’s going to help me get dressed!” Looking her husband full in the face, the woman calmly responded, “The undertaker.” We’re all guilty of trying to force our mate into a desired image rather than accepting him or her as the other half of ourselves. It’s far too easy to see our spouse as the problem rather than to acknowledge that maybe we, too, need to change. It’s often tempting to think that marriage is the cause of all our problems, when in reality God gave it to us as a solution to our problems.
The plan of God is good and does not create problems. If we are experiencing problems in our marriage, the truth is, we are not doing marriage right and are not following God’s plan. If we’re going to get anywhere in our understanding of marriage, then we must first recognize that no Christian marriage need ever fail. As a matter of fact, marriage can be a fantastic, joyous experience, even though entered into by two fallible people. As Proverbs 5:18 exhorts, “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” And Proverbs 18:22 adds, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” That’s the truth of Scripture, and that can be the reality of your married life once you understand that marriage is the solution—not the problem.
Life is a battleground, but marriage is meant to be a playground with only an occasional battle to resolve. Marriage is meant to be a joy, and it is God’s good solution to the one thing He saw in creation that was “not good”—man’s aloneness. This is God’s plan, and you should absolutely expect marriage to be every bit as wonderful as everything else that God has made.
I can almost hear some of you saying, “Pastor, you’re living in a dream land. You don’t know how tough marriage can be.” I understand where you’re coming from, because I’ve been there. I’ve lived in a marriage that I made into a hell. I ignored the God-ordained differences between men and women and paid the price for it. I failed to love my wife as Christ loves the church. As a matter of fact, when my wife and I entered marriage, neither of us was walking with the Lord, and we were both ignorant of God’s plan.
But thankfully, there’s another side to my story. I am also one who knows that God’s plan works no matter when you begin to obey it. Anytime a couple starts doing marriage right, God can turn a marriage that is a living hell into a little taste of heaven. That can be your story too, and that’s why I’m writing this book. I want you to learn how to live happily even after—after the memory of the vows fades, the excitement of new love wears off, and normal everyday life takes over.
Excerpt from “Happily… Even After” now available on Amazon.
