All wounds create scars, but there are different kinds of scars. I mentioned in chapter 2 a wound I acquired in 3rd grade and the scar on my knee it created. That is an old wound and the scar has no feeling, it’s visible but not painful. I have also had three surgeries, including nerve surgery, on my right elbow, the last one being thirty years ago. That scar is far different than the one on my knee as it is tender to this day and is very sensitive when I bump it against something so I am still guarded and conscious of it even though the surgery was three decades ago. The point is this, transitioning from wound to scar does not mean you will have a pain free existence and time may lessen the memory and the scar may fade in it’s frequency in visiting your mind, but it will still be painful when bumped. What that means is that All Things having good come through them is not necessarily a pain free existence.
Let me illustrate it through personal experience. I found myself a bit surprised recently when speaking at a conference and sharing Teri and my’s story. It had happened before but I was not expecting it to this time for two reasons, it was a long time ago and I had shared it often enough I didn’t think the emotions that often come with sharing what I did would prevail in the moment as they had before. But, I found myself fighting to control my emotions and hold back my tears when I shared that during our separation I missed my daughters second birthday. For me, this is a reminder of the epic failure in my life in the past. I have others that are equal or greater that I will never use as examples because those scars are not ones I am willing to share. What I want you to see from that is this; I was ministering while still hurting. My wound was self inflicted while yours may not be, but the principle remains unchanged. We can carry with us scars that are still sensitive and painful yet see the good of ministering to others manifested in our lives.
The matter of timing is critical concerning All Things working together for good as we made the point about the timing of even sharing such a verse. The point of the last paragraph was that you don’t have to wait for the pain to be completely gone to start looking for good that God wants to do or reveal through you for it to begin happening. You are going to have scars in life that are faded and painless memories and there will be others that are painful no matter how much time passes. My wife and I were having breakfast one morning not too long ago and the subject of having two children in heaven came up through miscarried pregnancies. We had never really talked about it before and I had asked if she ever thinks about seeing those children in heaven to which she replied; she thinks about them every day. We wept together over this 35 plus year old loss. What good came from this? We can weep with those who weep with a deep compassion and understanding when this trauma impacts the life of others and we have the expectation of meeting children we have never seen when we arrive in heaven, and yes this means I believe that life begins at conception (because it does). The point is that beginning to look for the good that can come through something is not necessarily identified by you pain level. I do think there needs to be caution exercised in this area and that some can jump back into things too soon and never really grieve.
I mentioned missing my daughters 2nd birthday a moment ago for two reasons, to illustrate the difference in scars and also to address the issue of ministering with them, seeing good come through them. This is not a blanket truth and is not possible with all scars or with all people. It is possible that some things are painful memories that will never become ministries. I have things in my life, as I said, that are better just left unsaid. I have not asked God to use them nor do I want Him too for they are far too painful and disgusting to repeat. Not every sexually abused person will have that become an area of ministry, at least not publicly, and it is okay if it never is. It can still be a ministry of empathetic and intercessional prayer when such situations are heard of or known to be encountered by others, and this is a good thing. No one can pray for the pain of others like someone of a shared experience, no one can know the deep agony of the loss of a child like someone who has, no one understands the aloneness and despair that comes from divorce like those who have been through it and for some, it is too painful to talk about publicly.
My point is that I do not want anyone to feel guilty because they have not taken their testimony on a speaking tour and gone public with all that has happened to them. You can still see the goodness of God come through your circumstances in the compassion you have for others who have walked in your shoes. The good that is manifested through what you experienced may be less visible, but it is no less valuable.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
