I read a statement the other day: “Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.” Such people are hard on our joy especially when they are a family member, by marriage or birth, or when they are a fellow Christian. (We’ll talk more about that in chapter 8, It is in situations that are impossible to change that we must remember; The words of others do not define us. Our worth and value as Christians is in Christ. We are not perfect but are being perfected, and when encountering the one who seems to think they have “the ministry of criticism” we need to keep in mind the “noble, just and pure” things about them as those who also are in Christ. Not easy, but essential. As any pastor does, I have my critics and counselors, those who disagree with this or tell me I should have said that or inform me of what they would have said and I have to say it is not always easy to have these conversations without getting a bit defensive in your mind. I also have to say that in some of these cases, not all, I have come to enjoy these exchanges because I realized that the intentions of some, not all, are noble, pure, and lovely. The person sharing with me is doing so in hopes of helping me or adding to what the Lord has already given me and wanting me to do better, but, I had to look for this to see it after all, you’ll never find what your not looking for!
We also need to remember when encountering words that wound that the things Paul wrote about in Philippians are true about us as well and we are not the total of our weaknesses. Everyone has weaknesses and for those who see you as only those weaknesses, they have the problem and their words do not define your value. It is not easy to let “wounding words” go or to act like they don’t hurt us, because they do. So when we come under friendly fire we must heed the counsel of Paul and meditate on praiseworthy things, in them if they are present and around us, which is always possible. Now I do have to say that we as Christians are not called to be mindless, spineless door mats that any and everyone wipes their feet on but, we do have a God-tempered response mechanism in the Holy Spirit defined by the word of God. The fact is that doing what pleases God when under friendly fire is personally uplifting. Sometimes Christians find themselves returning friendly fire which compounds the issue but the answer is not “do nothing” The answer is “do the right thing,” the God thing. Keep in mind the goal of this book and chapter is not how to change others or stop the flow of word wounds, the focus of this book is you. How to live with the unchangeable or irreconcilable or unrepairable when you have done as much as depends on you to be at peace?
Too many Christians allow word wounds to become infected by ignoring Biblical instruction and wind up bitter and discouraged and have given more power to the words of another than they are due. You might be thinking, This is not easy! You’re right, but it is a lot harder when compounded by personal disobedience which hinders our ability to walk in the Spirit. I am not saying if you are spiritual words won’t hurt, but I am saying as one filled with the Holy Spirit, doing the right thing when wronged will do more to maintain joy than any other tactic you may enlist. Our flesh wants to change the other person, our flesh wants justice and acknowledgment of wrongful and hurtful words said, and our spirit longs for these things too but the only person we have control over when encountering friendly fire, is ourselves.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
