“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘ by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. ’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” – Matthew 18:15-17
The ground rules for dealing with sin among believers is clearly what is in view here in that when someone sins, contrary to what many say today, a person is to be confronted about the sin, by one person at first, then by two or more spiritually mature believers and then if they will not hear the matter is to be taken to the church leaders (I do not believe that what is instructed here is telling the matter to the church congregation). If the person still will not hear, meaning heed and repent, they will be cut off from fellowship from other believers (remember, these are Jesus’ words, not mine). Here is why this is important concerning the issue of dealing with friendly fire, hurts at the hands or words of other believers; Jesus says; If your brother (or sister) sins against you. This is the foundation of the whole process. Not if a fellow believer hurts your feelings, or has a personality rub with you. Still, if a person commits a biblically defined sin against you, the process is to be initiated as Jesus described it.
But how often are friendly fire incidents hurt feelings incidents where no biblically defined sin has been committed? Let me give you an example; I heard Dr. J. Vernon McGee say in a sermon that when Satan was cast out of heaven he landed in the choir loft. I use this as an example because it highlights the point we just made. Many Christians have un-mended relationships that experience brokenness over non-sinful issues. One persons child sang the solo in the Christmas program and not another’s, and rumors of favoritism begin to swirl, soon the director of the program experiences a smear campaign by disgruntled parents, the child’s parents who got the solo in the Christmas program hear of the dissent and become infuriated with the other set of parents and they quit talking and a rift grows between former friends and the children are no longer allowed to play with each other and eventually, one family leaves the church. Think this is extreme, believe me, it is not! My counsel to those who have been wounded in this manner is simple; Stop it! When no biblical sin has been committed do not become ruled by feelings and emotions, after all, isn’t the Christ child the most important child in the Christmas program and not your child?
We are called to love one another, a command that is directed at our behaviors and not our feelings, and not all personality types within the one body of Christ or extended families are going to mesh. I say this because we need to remember that we can love someone and not like them and the goal here is not to learn how to have the warm fuzzies with every person you meet. The point is what to do when personalities rub and words cause wounds to feelings and emotions and the Bible teaches us that when legitimate sin has been committed provision for how to handle it, this needs to be followed.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
