We need to keep in mind that God is not offended by our “why’s,” He knows and understands pain having seen His only Son beaten and murdered for crimes He did not commit. He “gets it” friends and He is there for you as you “pass through the waters.” As much as we need to be careful about putting a timeframe on moving from wound to scar we need to be equally as careful about never starting the process.
There are things that happen in life that we will never have the answers for. I am thinking of a young friend with a child and another on the way and the beautiful young wife he left behind when an accident took his life. I don’t get that! I am thinking of a 24 year old young man who served our country in the military was killed at home while on leave, I don’t understand that! A dear friend and pastor, Chuck Smith, had shared counsel over the years with many that is a fitting reminder here and that is; Never exchange what you do know, for what you don’t know. Life brings things that we don’t understand, but at those times what we do know is that God is an ever present help in time of need. The transition from wound to scar has to have a starting point and the starting point is different for everyone but every shares one common element at whatever time this transition begins and that is, willingness. Until we are willing to accept that most of the why’s will remain unanswered and choose to move to the “what now” we will find ourselves mired in the land of the wounded for the rest of our lives.
This is not God’s plan or best for any of our lives. There are a thousand why’s we will encounter in life and they will either own us or we will own them. Failing to move forward until you get answers to the unanswerable can leave you with a life experience that is one continual wound. The sexually abused have a scar they will never lose, the betrayed spouse has a scar they will carry through life. Imagine laying in a hospital bed refusing the leave until God told you why the accident happened. We would never do that even though we may wonder our whole life why something happened. The same principle must be applied to the emotional and mental (memories) scars of life.
While it is true there is no timeline for healing it is also true that the human body teaches us that wounds do become scars and therefore mobility and function can be restored even as the memory remains. The process initially demands great and constant attention but as the scar begins to form, less “intensive care” is required. When dealing with tragedy and trauma remember, there is no “official timeline” for experiencing the stages of grief, but there is a transition that must someday take place for your own mental and spiritual health and that begins by recognizing the difference between a wound and a scar. When the time comes be willing to transition by letting go of the why’s, as best you can, and move to the starting line and as your wound becomes a scar, you will being to learn how to Dance with the Scars.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
