The first life event that often creates wounds are the words of another that cut deep and create pain and sorrow of heart. I have addressed this subject first for the simple reason that it is more common than the others. Everyone has a damaged or broken relationship in their life and this can be friend or family, co-worker or neighbor, almost any relationship where words are exchanged. The tools that will be introduced in this chapter will also be foundational to others as end result is what is in view in this book. The trauma has already occurred, the broken relationship has already taken place, the illness has happened, the divorce taken place. The goal of this book is how to move forward when the wound has taken place and the scars need to form.
In this chapter the first thing to note here is that you need to read the whole chapter as there are two very important components to this subject. The first is identified trough a saying many repeated as a kid; “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, is a lie.” This is one of the earliest deceptions we use as a coping mechanism that is not only untrue, but detrimental to developing healthy skills in handling conflict. The problem with the childhood adage is it is the combination of a half-truth and a huge lie. Sticks and stones may break my bones is true, names, words, will never hurt me is not only a lie, but the polar opposite of what is true. Broken bones heal much quicker than broken hearts and relationships that are the result of hurtful words.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. – Proverbs 27:6
We well understand the old adage; “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” with the point being you need not worry about a friend but you always need keep and eye on what your enemy is up to. But, what happens when the wounds of a friend are unfaithful, a trusted person in your life is the one who has thrown the verbal “sticks and stones” and a heart or relationship lies broken and unable to mend? Can they too Dance with the Scars? The answer is a resounding, yes! But it will take both time and practical tactics to do so. We need to pause a recognize a reality before we move ahead and that is overcoming and healing a relationship takes both parties cooperation. I bring this up because as some of you read this chapter and seek to apply the truths of the Word to your situation the broken relationship may not be repaired due to the other person(s) involved. It is a sad truth that many will make their way through life with unmended relationships. Siblings that never speak, friendships that are never restored, yet this is completely avoidable if only both parties will follow God’s rules and not their feelings.
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. – Romans 12:18
The Bible acknowledges that peace is not always possible between two parties, but even if you are the only one willing to pursue peace you can at least move forward with the scar of a broken relationship without the nagging guilt of having not done what you know you should. Dancing with the Scars of a severed relationship is impossible when continuing in personal disobedience. For some of you who are hesitating as you read this let me mention that there are people in life who we could well describe as toxic, maybe even just to you. A reminder is in order that this book is for and about you, not those over which you have no control who may be one of those toxic people who, for whatever reason, can never be reasoned or reconciled with. This chapter is not about laying the entire responsibility of restoring severed relationships on you, it is about how to keep yourself from being ruled by them and letting your word wounds scar over.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
