For those who say I just don’t go to church anymore because I was hurt by a pastor or leader, but I am not having a crisis of faith. Let me ask you, can you say you’re still on the football team but you never go to practice or play in the games? While it is true you can love football and not play and you can not go to the games and watch them on tv, you can say and do the same with church. You can love the Lord and watch church on tv or online but let me remind you of this; Church is not “for” you, “you” are for the church. Because you are on the team you need to go to the team meetings, you need to be a part of how a church is “running plays” (outreach) in the community. You, are for the church, you have a place and a role in a local congregation and to argue you don’t have to go to church to be part of the church might be true, but is it right?
But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.
1 Corinthians 12:20-21
You and I are part of the global body of believers called the church, but, you also have something to contribute to a local congregation and just as no one can tell you you’re not needed at church neither can you say you don’t need church. Yes, you may be a student of the word and yes you may be faithful at witnessing and sharing your faith and these things are good, but your gifts and talents and are also needed at the local church. Isolation is never a solution when Fractured Fellowship has occurred. It’s bad for the individual and it’s bad for the church. One reason I say that is because we have the instructions for conflict resolution in the word of God and when the steps are followed as outlined out in Matthew 18 then a positive outcome and restoration becomes possible. If it’s ignored, it remains impossible.
With that said, I will be the first to admit that pastors and church leaders hurt people, but I must also say that hurting people often hurt people and the act of leaving a church should be preceded by much prayer and examination of facts verses feelings. Here is what I mean by that: I have often said that churches are like toast, some people like it plain, some with butter, others with butter and jelly. If your decision to Fracture Fellowship and leave a local church is a matter of taste, then leave it at that, don’t look for things to justify your departure or someone to blame. If you don’t like the pastors style, if the worship style is not your thing, that’s ok. There is room for personal taste in choosing a church but be careful about labeling worship or preaching styles as sinful as you search for a church. If you are sensing the need to go then you must also ask is your decision fact or feelings based. Leaving a church over matters of taste and preference are not really Fractured Fellowship but is often times treated like it. Just to let you into a pastors head for a minute, one thing that immediately sends up a red flag for me when meeting someone new at the church is when they start telling me everything that was wrong at their old one (I do not allow them to do so and just tell them I‘m glad they had joined us for the day). The vast majority of the time whatever their reason for departure that they do tell me before I end the conversation was a matter of taste and not fact and they are angry. I have to say most of the time when I have done something that hurt a fellow believer or when something happened that hurt me it was “how” things were done and not “what’ was done that actually caused the hurt.
But what if that fact is that something did happen? A legitimate wrong was committed that is not a matter of personal taste, hurt feelings or opinion, what happens then? Two things to consider;
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘ by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. ’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
There are multiple lessons here and the first and foremost being God’s desire is that problems be handled with the fewest number of people involved as possible. Go to the one who committed a biblically defined sin, not something that hurt your feelings, not something that is different than your tastes or opinion, but something the Bible has defined as a sin, go to them first, alone. The reason this progression is given, I believe, is in recognition of human nature. Some people believe everything they hear and are quick to repeat it, which causes unnecessary harm to the persons and church. If a sin has been committed against you, go to the person first not the church first, meaning others you know. Let me say this also, I believe that it is good to seek counsel from a mature brother or sister in the Lord before doing this just to make sure the situation is one of fact and not feelings.
If they will not hear you, take others who are mature in the Lord and aware of the sin and confront them, if they will still not hear, the Fractured Fellowship is not only unavoidable, but mandated. As I said a moment ago, sometimes the person who committed the sin is the one in leadership or even behind the pulpit. In an age where the public failures of prominent pastors is not all that uncommon we need to add one other element to deciding Fracture Fellowship with your church or church leader.
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
