Divorce is not something to treated flippantly or even like a societal norm, it hurts people, it often wounds the innocent and unaware, it impacts children, it breaks hearts, it damages people and culture. Those who have endured this great trauma need to remember that they have an identity that is separate from that of being married. An identity in Christ, who never leaves nor forsakes, who is never abusive or adulterous, who is the very definition of faithfulness in all things. It is that identity that reminds us to be a Spirit led Christian even when walking through the valley of the shadow of the death of a marriage. God has a plan for you as an individual member of the collective body of Christ and your life is not over because the marriage ends, there are still good works prepared beforehand for you to walk in! (Ephesians 2:10)
Maybe your wounds were not from the loss of a loved one, friendly fire or the aftermath of divorce. Maybe you caused your own wounds, maybe your dealing with the consequences of forgiven sin. The possibility of Dancing with the Scars is just as much a reality for you as anyone else. It will take some discipline in our thinking to arrive there however including recognizing the past will always be present in our hearts but it need not rule the present in our minds. Some self inflicted wounds will create lifelong scars in the from of broken relationships, lost trust and other various consequences all being experienced while the sin is completely forgiven. Reconciliation for self inflicted wounds is a good thing to pursue. We must remember, the person who caused the broken relationship doesn’t set the terms for restoring the relationship. Trust has to be earned and even forgiven actions can have consequences on the interpersonal relationship level. Be careful about having a sense of entitlement because of not understanding what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness can come without the restoration of the relationship happening, it doesn’t have to be that way but sometimes, it just is.
Some may be thinking All Things can’t possibly include what happened to me as a child, the sexual, emotional or physical abuse that was endured. Yes, All Things includes those things if we remember that there is a freedom that comes from forgiving others. Forgiveness is not acting as if nothing happened and forgiveness is often mostly beneficial to the forgiver rather than the forgiven. For those trying to learn to dance with such scars you will have to accept that what happened can never be made right. This is essential because these areas trap more people in wound care for long periods than any of the others. It is natural for us to want justice and acknowledgement when someone has greatly or brutally wronged. It is a sad reality that most of the time victims of life altering incidents rarely have their sense of justice satisfied for various reasons. Yet, Dancing with the Scars is still possible and is also going to require recognizing that justice will not remove the memories or pain. The need for justice is strong and to know it will never come can be debilitating but as we have all seen the public forgiveness of people who killed someones loved one, the reality is that forgiveness can do more for the broken heart and mind than justice will ever do. There is a justice that will be served in the end for all who do not believe in Jesus and repent of their sins and we are not to wish for that justice on our worst enemies.
All Things also includes the 3D’s we mentioned in chapter 7, Disappointment, Discouragement and Despair when life didn’t follow the course you had mapped out. The business venture didn’t pan out, the childhood dreams of sports stardom never materialized or whatever you hoped would happen as an adult… didn’t. The first step in dealing with dashed hopes and unrealized dreams is to get new ones. Even spiritual ones, dream of doing great things for God, which is always more rewarding and even likely than our personal dreams anyway. The truth is when we tap in to God’s plans we are not limited to our natural abilities and assured of supernatural help. God has a great plan for your life is not just a Christian mantra, it’s true, He has plans for you, and they are great. Think about it, does God have any mediocre plans? He is able to and does do above and beyond what we ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20) So in this area more than the others we have the choice to either stall out in disappointment, discouragement and despair or we can say; God my plans didn’t work out, what’s yours? All Things includes all the things we dreamed and desired that never came to fruition. Not that it was bad to dream them or wrong to dream them, but not all dreams come true, but all Gods plans do!
Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.
