Freedom From Forgiveness

This may be a hard chapter for some and for very good reasons. Yet is is the most important chapter for the same people it is hard for who are dealing the the hurts of others that were intentional. Physical, sexual or emotional abuse that happened at the hands of someone who should have been trustworthy. Betrayal or adultery by someone who vowed a lifetime together with you but broke the vow and your heart too. This could mean for some dealing with someone who lied about you, hurt your career, broke a relationship, took credit for something you did. The list of things that could make this chapter hard for some goes on and on but they all share one of two common elements, the offender never owned up to what they did, or they owned up to what they did but the damage was done and seemingly irreversible. For you who fit this description our chapter is aptly titled; Freedom from Forgiveness. Make sure you don’t bail out but please read the whole chapter as some things here may be hard, but hopefully lead to freedom for you.

It has been said; Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and hoping the other person would die. My desire is not to heap guilt on your heads for not forgiving someone who did something to you so heinous or harmful it changed the course of your life. My goal is exactly the opposite, that you find the freedom to forgive and by that, experience the freedom that comes from forgiving the undeserving. Our chapter heading doesn’t mean you are free from forgiving others, it means you can find freedom through forgiving others. Now stick with me you who are struggling already! 

The first thing to recognize is that forgiveness is NOT acting like something never happened. Forgiveness is not even wiping away the memories of what had happened. Forgiveness means; to pardon. It neither denies the fact that a wrong was committed nor the fact that punishment was in order. It admits both, yet offers pardon. I know there are some reading this book who have been hurt by and suffer from the anguish and aftermath of sexual abuse. I know some of you have had pains inflicted on you that no deserves to have happen to them, physical abuse and violence or parental abandonment. I know that some may harbor resentment toward a parent who didn’t defend them or stand up for them or sided with the abuser and not with you, the victim. Some of you are reading this and dealing with the reality that drugs or booze were more important to your parent than you and no matter how you begged and pleaded for them to stop, all you got were excuses for why they couldn’t stop but wanted to. These are grievous wrongs that must never be minimized! 

Excerpt from “Dancing With the Scars” now available on Amazon.

BARRY STAGNER

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